is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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