my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
