It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
