i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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