I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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