Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
