I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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