my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
