New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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