Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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