I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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