I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
