after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
