don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize