she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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