I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
