I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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