if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
