so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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