Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
