I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
