I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
