Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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