i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
