She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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