Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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