I got chris browned last night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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