I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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