Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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