my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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