I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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