She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
