My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
