The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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