They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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