I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
