So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
