So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
