so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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