my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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