Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
whose ass print is on the piano?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
