i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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