Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
