i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
