girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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