omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
