watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize