I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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