If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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