i jhust puked up my retainher.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
