I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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