i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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