$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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