Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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