Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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