3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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