hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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