I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this hospital has no fireball
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
