The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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