he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
