i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
