I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
