Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
