Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
