just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
