im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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