Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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