I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
