you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
