Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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