I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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