So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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