So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
