Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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