I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
