You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You pole danced in your parka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
