what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
