The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
