I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
